Tuesday, 12 July 2016

Types of Vanguard Players!

(Disclaimer! This post is completely satirical. Please don't take anything seriously or to heart! Thank you!)







Vanguard players. If you are reading this blog then you either are one, are thinking of becoming one, or are just a little bit curious about one actually is. Well whatever the case you are in the right place, because I'm going to tell you exactly what a Vanguard player is and how you can tell different types apart. First let's look at the definition of a Vanguard player-





  Vanguard Player- (Cardfight, Yugioh Dropout, Weaboo gamer) -

       A person who plays the game cardfight vanguard as a side game or is mad enough to invest in it as a main game.



Cardfight Vanguard was released to the world at a glorious time, and into a gap in the market that only it could fill. Most people who play card games (and lets make it crystal clear that they need to have little pictures on them and  not just numbers and symbols) have at some point in their lives played more than one game, because lets face it the people who design these games have not even the remotest idea of balance and what is is good and is widely played can be the dominant force for a long time, making for a stale metagame (but that is a topic for another post.) Lots of different people play vanguard for a lot of different reasons.. So can you really put them into categories as if certain traits dominate who that person is?.. Yes. You can.









1- The Weaboo 


Ah the weaboo, the usually non-asian, long-haired, anime t-shirt wearing guy at your locals who is instantly recognisable by his playmat with altogether way too much anime ass and/or tits. This kind of player has likely seen all of the episodes of the anime that goes with the game and can probably quote the names of moves used by units ingame. He will judge you either in his head, because his god-complex is assuring him he is better than you, or he will straight up say something offensive, because the 19 hours of anime he watches a day have all but murdered his social skills. 

Things to look out for- 

- Anime playmat: Likely not from the Vanguard anime but some soft-core porn anime, either official or custom. 

- Fedora - This comes into the whole "i think therefore everyone with a different believe to me is a degenerate" WARNING: Not all neckbeards are weaboos, but most weaboos are neckbeards! Discretion is advised. 

- Quotation of the Vanguard anime explicitly referencing his plays to the anime. 

- Openly discussing "Kaichi" (if you don't know you are better off. But trust me you don't want.)














2- The Claimer


Like the weaboo, the Claimer has an obsession too, but not over a culture he/she wasn't born into. Oh no! The Claimer is the player at locals who tries to take total ownership over part of the game. Confused? Ok. I'm sure there is one at your locals. Let me explain. The guy who claims to either; only play one deck, played a deck before anyone else, tries to have priority in trades if something he thinks he owns is involved. Still confused? Here is an example- 



You- Oh Sweet look i pulled an SP Kagero

The Claimer- You have to trade that to me. 

You- I mean I don't have to.. it depends what you have. 

The Claimer- No you have to because it is my clan.




Notice the insistence of that just being how it is and a claim to ownership of a clan.

Lets lay down one fact. A lot of people play this game. You having been the first to complete a deck, or having played a deck for a long time, or having more SP cards than anyone else in no way gives you anymore of a claim than anyone else. In fact, you have put so many trades into getting your SP cards that your trades are shit and you've got nothing I want. 

The Claimer is more intelligent than the weaboo. The Claimer is better at hiding their obsession. Well some of them. Some of them will just bumble through locals making himself look like a plonker, but some are more tactical. They know that "Mine" and "my" are words people don't like. So they don't use them. But you can still see the signs..

When they try to trade for, for example, an SP of a clan they have claimed, they won't just present their trades or cash in an attempt to get the card. Oh no. They will make sure you know why exactly they want card.- 

"Yeah it's like the last SP I need for the Clan"
"I'm the only one who needs it" 

Another tell-tale sign, if you are unfortunate another to have the Claimer on Facebook is that their profile picture and cover photo will likely feature the clan they claim. 


Remember! No Claimer wants to be labelled with how pathetic being a claimer is! If confronted their response will often be- 

"No I just like the clan"
 or
"I've always played it, it isn't a new thing."

Be aware!












3- The Noob 


Every locals has them. Infact every community of any activity ever has them. That person that just doesn't quite get things as much as everyone else  Remember! Noob doesn't just mean you are new to the game. People who are new can get better. If you have been playing for 6 months and still try and drive check with your rear-guards then you are having more than just teething problems!

      This is the guy who comes week after week and never manages to get more than one win (let's remember that anyone can rip triple critical). His deck is inconsistent to say the least, he doesn't play heal triggers. He always attacks with his vanguard first despite his only triggers being stands. In League of Legends this is what we would call "freelo"- a free win. 

 
















4- The Salt


The Salt is divided into 3 categories- Losing, Winning and Supreme. 

Losing salt is self-explanatory. They lose and they get really mad. They will often have a full list of reasons why they lost- I got no triggers. I got no grade 2s. I got too many grade 3s. They will never be saying- "Good game!" or "Well played!" or "Perhaps it was down to the choices I made within the game that contributed to the outcome, perhaps if I put some time into working out why I lost I may be able to improve for my next game with this opponent." They are just salt. The other person is a bastard for getting triggers. 

Winning salt is almost not salt at all but is usually the result of continuous unbroken losing salt. When you lose a lot, you forget the nice feeling that comes hand-in-hand with victory. You get a bit cocky. If your situation is looking good, you might start talking a bit of shit to your opponent. People only do this if they have lost so much that they milk the feeling of victory for everything it is worth. Their arrogance and heightened euphoria often clouds their judgement and causes them to lose, resulting in even more salt, which they carry to their next game, which they then of course lose. it is a vicious salty cycle, which results in the ultimate salty form. 

The Salt Supreme. This is the guy who goes 0-X so often that winning for him is like some kind of mystical event foretold by the stars. This is the guy who goes red in the face when he loses his 5th game of the day, the same guy who won't shake your hand when you beat him. But eventually, by some stroke of luck, or if he is using Diablo, he will get a victory. And when he does he will not let you forget about it. Like ever. This once in a millennium event is all of his Christmases at once, he will talk about it every time he sees you, and tell tales of his victory wherever he goes. But from his next game onwards, when he inevitably loses again, his salt will build back up. This of it like filling up a salt shaker. With every game the shaker has more salt added to it. If you are the unlucky person to lose to his first stride triple trigger then you will have those months and months of salt poured all over you. But don't worry. You'll thrash him next time. 















5- The Former Yugioh Player


"This game is too simple"

"There is so much luck involved"

"im only playing this while Yugioh is bad"

"haha i wouldn't lose if this was actually a skill game"

















6- The Former Magic Player


"some cards can't be holo?."

"Im not sure if a deck worth less than $800 is worth buying.."

"You only just have full arts?."

"There is only one format?.."

"There are other cards except Magic?.."

















7- The Good Guy


This. This is the guy. He might play a deck because it is good or because he really likes the theme. He's just playing for fun. But he isn't bad at the game. He has done his research and may casually watch the anime. But he won't cuss you if you haven't. He doesn't think he is better than everyone else. He's just there to have fun playing Vanguard and he respects that you are too. He's not going to get salty if you lose or rub it in your face if he wins. He is. The Good Guy. 



Rule 1. Always be the Good Guy!




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