So as some of you may know, this isn't the first vanguard blog I've started. A few months ago I had another one. This other one has about twelve posts and had a fair amount of views on it. Now I am not doing this for the views. Let me make that clear. But when I lost that blog, it was still disheartening.
I lost the blog because of changing computer that I use it on. I had problems with G-mail and had the blog on a g-mail account that I don't often use. So when I couldn't log into that I couldn't access the first blog. I tried to recover it, but to no avail. That, I guess, would be why I have had so much less enthusiasm to write blog posts in the level of detail that I did before losing it. But that is not the only reason why I have not been as active on this second blog, in fact that probably plays a comparatively small role.
I'm not going to write a full blog post crying about how bad my life is. If I was going to do that I would use tumblr. Although. Just to clarify. I wouldn't use tumblr. But if I was the kinda guy to cry to the internet about my problems, then I would use the medium that everyone else does to do it. Consider this an explanation, moreso than crying.
Last June I had a death in my close family. Something that I had never experienced before, only ever having lost people who I wasn't as close to, or didn't see as much of. But the person I lost was someone I saw everyday of my life, since the day I was born. And it hit me really hard. Even though it was 8 months ago now my life is still not back to normal. Or what you could call normal. See. A lot of things in my life were delayed. When I first started college I dropped out, found myself a job, and spent 9 months hating every second of that job. So I found myself going back to that same college the following September. Which of course delayed my growing up, you could say, by a whole year. Problem is I am someone who has never known exactly what I want to do with my life. I have never been at a point that I know without a shadow of a doubt what it is I want for a job. And I'm someone who that concept terrifies. My biggest fear in life is to be laying on my death bed and regretting. Regretting that I didn't try my hardest to be happy in my job. You spend a lot of your life in whatever job you choose to do. I've always felt that you gotta make sure you pick the right one. After I finished college I found myself back in a retail job, nothing massive, just 18-20 hours a week to support myself. But it became more than that. It became all I was doing. Working. Or waiting to work. Or wasting away every second of the day that was mine while I wasn't at work. And I know it is pathetic really, I was working less than half of what most people do each week, but I hated it. It wasn't the people, or even the job so much, but the constant what if in the back of my mind. What if I went to uni. What if it's too late.
The close death brought home the cruel reality of being human. Nobody lasts forever. It is true that memories of your loved one will. They don't die with the person they die with you. And yes. The memories I have with that loved one will stay with me until the day I die. But it makes you realise that people do die. It's a morbid thought. But it is true. I'm not trying to depress anyone. But that's something that got to me. Even more reason to find what my perfect job is. To get it right. And honestly I still don't know. I don't mind the job I have right now, a new one since the retail job, but it isn't the one.
So that's basically it. I won't deny, I am a huge procrastinator. A trait I do hate. But there were things underlying that contributed to not wanting to do anything.
But onto another note. I am trying. My aim is to be more active on you tube with deck videos/discussions as well as filming opening of product. I am also one episode deep into an abridged series of one of my favourite animes of all time, and I do have a more positive outlook on things. I'm working on projects I care about and valuing my spare time a lot more.
I don't know yet what my perfect job is. But I'll get there.
So obviously this has very little to do with Cardfight Vanguard, but I needed a space to vent. Like I said it's not about the number of views. It's about passion. About really caring about something. It doesn't matter what it is. Free thinking and passion are what set us apart as a species. So. If I can give you anything to take away from this it's that. Do the thing. Whatever your passion is (the law allowing of course.. ) Do it. I don't mean to go all
Just do it!
But he does have a point.
What you want to so isn't going to do itself. And if it's something that is difficult, or that few people get to do, then if you don't do it there will be someone right there waiting who will do it.
Thanks for baring with that long post that had nothing to do with the content of the blog. If you did read it I hope you can take a little something from it. And if it helped you, even a tiny bit, then it was worth it.
I;m working on being more active to bring you guys fun vanguard content. And if you don't like reading, check out my you tube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC62FQJ5DDS9MmoscoMfi1BA
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